You got what you wanted: now what?
Why happiness can be hard to handle
The goal was the easy part…
Losing 10kg. Running a marathon. Hitting a 2x bodyweight deadlift. Whatever the goal was, you did it. You checked the box, celebrated (or maybe you didn’t), and then woke up the next day thinking… now what?
Here’s the thing nobody tells you – achieving the goal isn’t the hard part. Living with it is.
Most people don’t plan for what comes next. They set a big goal, chase it relentlessly, and then, once they arrive, they feel… nothing? Worse? Unsettled? The expectation was that this achievement would bring some kind of permanent satisfaction, but instead, it’s fleeting.
That’s because happiness isn’t static. If you’ve been working towards something for months (or years), you’ve built an identity around the pursuit. When the pursuit is gone, so too is the urgency. And that’s uncomfortable.
The hidden discomfort of success
The fitness industry has trained people to think success is a finish line. But really, it’s a revolving door. How many of these have you felt upon achieving your goal/s?
You feel great for about five minutes – a wave of satisfaction, maybe a bit of pride, followed by… feeling aimless. The structure that once gave you purpose is gone.
If you didn't self-sabotage on the way to the goal, you might do afterwards. If your entire identity was wrapped up in losing weight, what happens when there’s no weight left to lose?
You realise maintenance isn’t sexy. Nobody writes hype posts about staying fit or holding on to strength. But that’s actually the hardest bit; this is where real growth happens.
If you can sit with the discomfort of not constantly chasing the next big thing, you learn to love the process as well as the outcome.
When sitting still feels impossible
Not every achievement needs to be followed by the next challenge.
You ran a 5k – do you need to start training for a marathon? Or can you just be proud of what you’ve done and enjoy it for a while?
You lost 10kg – does that mean you have to lose another 10? Or can you learn to live in this new body, get to know it, and maintain what you’ve built?
The fitness industry thrives on constant pursuit. Always pushing, always chasing, never just… sitting still. But sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed. Not stopping, not regressing – just letting yourself live in the achievement before deciding what comes next.
Celebration vs. compulsion
The difference between sustainable progress and burnout comes down to why you move forward.
If you’re chasing the next goal because you think you should that’s a red flag.
If you’re moving towards something new because it genuinely excites you, because you’ve taken the time to enjoy your win and still want more, that’s different.
There’s a difference between hitting a 5k and never running again, and hitting a 5k and deciding you want to explore trail running, sprint work, or longer distances.
One is about avoidance. The other is about choice.
The fear of arrival
You've wanted something, worked for it, got it – and then felt lost, empty, or worse than before. This isn’t unique to fitness. It happens in relationships, career milestones, personal goals.
Why? Because the pursuit gave you direction. Without it, there’s no roadmap.
In attachment theory, Alain de Botton talks about how avoidant types don’t actually avoid love – they search for it their whole lives. But when they finally find it? They panic. They need it titrated. Too much at once is overwhelming.
You can poison a person dying of thirst by letting them drink too much water. And you can overwhelm yourself with the very thing you thought you wanted.
I’ve done it. I’ve backed away from people who expressed love and positivity towards me in ways I’d never felt before. I’ve reached personal, professional, and lifetime goals and then been depressed for months, alone for years, and deeply unhappy with myself – all from a position of having had it. There. In front of me. On my CV. In my arms.
The aftermath of success
If success feels unbearable, do you avoid it? Sabotage it? Pretend you don’t want it?
I’ve seen what happens when you don’t shoot your shot – it’s worse.
Maybe we don’t have to know exactly how to handle success before we get it – but we can learn to handle it when it comes. And that’s the real test.
Learning to sit with happiness, not shrink from it
Not self-sabotaging the pursuit.
Not fearing maintenance.
Not retreating because you don’t know what’s next.
The real challenge isn’t just hitting your goals – it’s holding onto them without shrinking into something smaller than what you’re capable of.
From experience – my clients’ and mine – happiness, success, and love aren’t things to chase and then reject because they feel too big, too overwhelming, too unfamiliar. They’re things to learn how to live with. And maybe that’s the real next level.
What do you find harder? Achieving the thing, or living with it?
Much love and I’ll see yas in the next one
Jack x
If you liked this, you might like these…
Ozempic and the great fitness industry freak-out
The rise of Ozempic (semaglutide) and Mounjaro (tirzepatide) for weight loss has sent the fitness industry into meltdown. Celebs are on it, influencers are pushing it, and formerly “big” stars have quietly dropped half their body weight while everyone pretends not to notice.
Cassidy, J., Jones, J. D., & Shaver, P. R. (2013). Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). Retrieved February 20, 2025, from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4085672/
de Botton, A. (2025) on Modern Wisdom, “How to fix your negative patterns”, episode #898. Retrieved February 20, 2025.