Would you do what they did for the life they seem to have?
Or, how jealousy could be a good thing...welcome back to Fitness & Thinking Fridays
The life you want versus the work it takes
We’ve all seen them.
The fitness influencers with effortless abs and confidence. The entrepreneur who quit their job and now ‘only works four hours a week.’ The colleague who seems to have it all figured out.
And we think: I want that.
But here’s today’s question: would you do what they’re doing or did to get there?
Because behind the curated posts and polished captions, the outfits and the titles, there’s a reality that most people don’t talk about.
The trade-offs no-one mentions
That ultra-lean fitness coach? Probably tracking every gram of food, saying no to spontaneous meals and nights out, managing energy dips and mood swings, and constantly dealing with body scrutiny.
The ‘digital nomad’ who quit the 9-5? Likely spending 12-hour days building their business, stressing over inconsistent income, and figuring out visas while their mates back home are just… chilling.
The person who ‘made it’ in your industry? Probably spent years unseen, unpaid, and unrecognised before breaking through.
Success – however you define it – comes with trade-offs. And if you’re not willing to make those trade-offs, then maybe you don’t actually want that life. Maybe you just like the idea of it.
And that’s okay.
The jealousy that changed my career
In November 2022, an ex and I caught up on FaceTime. She was thriving – her full-time job sounded like it had massively improved since we last spoke and her local gym had given her a space to keep her pole and teach classes on it. She’d been invited to her work’s party and the gym had even invited her out for drinks a couple of times too. And I was happy for her… as well as slightly jealous.
You see, I’d just been made redundant. No staff parties or in-person camaraderie for me after two years of working remotely. A petulant, tweenage, me would have played the “it’s just because of how she looks” card and stewed in my own perceived lack.
In my 30s, 2022-me, however, took a breath and then got practical.
Ultimately, she was invited to her work’s party, because she had a job – that’s kind of par for the course – but the gym folk invited her out because she’d put herself out there, they liked her and wanted to hang out.
So, if I wanted something similar, I would need to put myself in a similar situation.
Now, her actual job sounded like more work and stress than any xmas do could have made up for, so I wasn’t motivated by the idea of that specific work party. I did, however, have a PT qualification and had never had mates as into fitness as I was, so, straight after the call, I looked up PT jobs in Sheffield.
Within a day, I had two interviews. Within a month, I had the beginnings of an in-person coaching service and had been asked to two staff parties.
The lesson: wanting something isn’t bad. But wanting something without doing the work for it is one of the most self-defeating things you can do.
Processing happiness and jealousy at the same time
How do you process genuine happiness for someone alongside a tinge of jealousy?
By acknowledging both emotions without letting jealousy overshadow the happiness.
🔹 Recognise the jealousy
It’s just a signal. It’s telling you there’s something you want, too. Instead of seeing it as a negative, flip it: What about their success is making me feel this way? What does it reveal about my own desires?
🔹 Separate their journey from yours
Their wins don’t take away from yours. If anything, they show what’s possible. And, realistically, you probably wouldn’t want their exact situation – you want your version.
🔹 Let it fuel you
Instead of dwelling on “Why them and not me?” shift to “What can I do to move toward what I want?” Use it as motivation.
🔹 Lean into the happiness
If you genuinely care about this person, their success is proof that good things can happen, and you can celebrate them without minimising your own ambitions.
If someone you know seems to have things lining up effortlessly, but your path is different – pay attention to what’s making you jealous. That feeling is a guidepost. It’s showing you something you actually want to work on next – and the magic is likely in that work you’re not [yet] doing.
What this means for you
Instead of idolising someone’s end result, ask yourself:
🔹 Would I enjoy their daily routine?
🔹 Could I handle the sacrifices they make?
🔹 Is there a version of their life or success that aligns with my values and priorities?
If the answer to one or all of these is no, then you might not be able to achieve their version of what that thing is. But that’s alright. Now you can stop thinking about what they have or what you lack and start on forging a path that works for you.
Can you see moments in your life or career where things might have gone differently if you’d taken a step back? Or have you already taken this approach? Either way, I’d love to know! Feel free to reply to this email or DM me @coachjackmann to keep the conversation going!
Much love
Jack x