Why did the personal trainer cross the road?

F&TF is back to discuss assertion and acceptance

Navigating roads in Southeast Asia is an experience like no other. I saw, drove and walked through landslides, waterfalls, and thousands of scooters converging at junctions with 24 unofficial lanes – and yet, in six months, witnessed maybe ten accidents.

Half were down to the landscape: aquaplaning on waterlogged streets, entire roads collapsing, and, in one case, a scooter simply self-combusting (luckily, its four passengers had disembarked minutes before). The other half? Westerners.

White folk in thongs (feet and peaches) nursing scuffed knees, some playing the game and bribing their way out of trouble, others shouting at locals who could not believe what had just happened.

Jack, what’s this got to do with anything?

Well, let me tell you. A road is a shared space that helps you get to where you want to go. That much is obvious. And whether you’re crossing it or following it for 100 miles, the moment you step onto the tarmac, you’re entering a space built for many – not just for you.

The red light lesson

Yesterday, I was crossing the road in Sheffield when a car blew straight through a red light. Worse still, the car behind almost followed suit – the only thing stopping it was me, standing between the lanes, gesturing at the solid red light and the green man as its bonnet dropped inches from my leading leg. The driver hesitated, realised, and stopped. I didn’t think this person was out to get me. This person just clearly wasn’t thinking.

We’re often mindless about our direction – whether on the road or in life. And here’s the thing: there’s little point in moving quickly if you’re going the wrong way.

Aggressive driving is often a manifestation of impatience. People aren’t driving logically – they’re pointing their car where they want to go, regardless of what makes sense. And it’s nonsense. It’s entitled, unnecessary, and often dangerous. And it’s much worse in the UK than it is in Southeast Asia.

The Rules of the Road – and life

In Southeast Asia, everybody gets to where they want to go. The difference? You declare your presence. It seems chaotic at first – horns blaring, people moving in every direction – but once you understand the flow, you realise that no one is out to get you or to cause anyone else harm. They’re just navigating their ways and, in fairness, nearly always telling you about it:

• Moving through a junction? Beep your horn.

• Changing lanes and not sure if someone’s seen you? Beep your horn.

• Winding down a mountain road where someone could be coming the other way? You know what to do.

When I passed my UK motorbike theory test earlier this month, I realised that this seemingly unconventional approach is literally written into our Highway Code. The rule is clear: “Use your horn to alert others to your presence” – not to express frustration, not to intimidate, but to let people know you exist and to engage in the next steps.

Which, if you think about it, is exactly how progress works in life.

Taking up space – your goals, your direction

I crossed the road to get to the other side. That’s it. That is the punchline.

And it was only after years of frustration and self-interrogation and gratitude practice that one of the earliest jokes I remember suddenly became much more profound than I realised – and had actually dismissed as lame!

“…to get to the other side” – whether that’s literal task-success, metaphorical goal completion and/or dying in the act of stepping out – is a wonderfully compact pay-off. And the more time I spent with it, the more it opened up to me.

And I’m writing this now because I accepted that drivers weren’t out to get me – and respected my want to cross – just as I respected their want to go.

Crossing the road in Thailand, Vietnam, or Cambodia is a practice in mindfulness and assertion. You set your sights on where you want to go, and you move – but you don’t expect people to move for you. You don’t drive recklessly and then act surprised when people don’t clear the way.

And not everyone moves the same way. I once saw a guy in flip-flops, holding a live chicken, squeeze between two 18-wheelers at 50mph – and he looked more relaxed than I’ve ever been in my life.

Some people will navigate life in ways that seem impossible, reckless, or even genius. You can be inspired by them, repulsed by them, or completely unfazed. The point is, if their method isn’t negatively affecting you, maybe it’s not yours to judge. Maybe it even makes you question whether your approach is too rigid or exactly right for the moment.

And it’s the same with goals. Whatever you want – fitness, business, personal growth – you have to make moves, let people know you’re there, and claim your space. Expecting a clear path? Unlikely. Assuming people will just let you through? Doubt it.

But if you announce yourself when you’re making a move or alert others to how their action/s could negatively impact you both, you enter into a discussion that allows everyone to move in their ideal direction – even if it’s at a pace that’s slower than you might like, remember: the right direction is what matters.

It’s unlikely that your goals will announce themselves, that your dream job will land in your lap, that your fitness will transform itself.

Declare your intention.
Step out, slow-ly.
Move forward,
with and through the traffic.
It may take longer.
Or it may not.
It depends –
on where you are,
who’s around,
and who else needs to move.
Converse. Transverse. Diverse.
Stop.
Do you need to let others pass first?
Look both ways.
Take your space.

Go again.

Further reading

Day two of crossing the road in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

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And that’s it from me!

Much love
Jack x